Unexpected Peace

I only have 15 minutes until breakfast so I’ll have to type fast, but after that I probably won’t have a real break until Friday afternoon so I wanted to make sure and squeeze in an update. You may be as shocked as I am to hear that the kids will be here in less than two hours and I’m not even freaking out. Weird. Last week was surprisingly easy. That school system provided their own counselors (high schoolers, now who thought that was a good idea?) so our job was mostly just to help run the activities. We didn’t have to eat with them or sleep with the cabins and we were really only supposed to interfere if there was a safety concern. I spent most of the time belaying at the climbing wall. It was great. At the same time though, it proved to be a rather unsatisfying week. We didn't really see any growth in the kids, and sure they had a good time, but it could have made so much more of an impact on them if they had let the Sherman Lake staff run it.
This week will be more like the first week we had with kids except that there will be one group of six graders here from this morning thru Wednesday at lunch and then another batch will come and be here thru Friday. I’ll be in a cabin with another counselor for the first half of the week but here’s some shocking news- I’ll be by myself for the second half…and I think I’m okay that!! Crazy, I know, but I've learned so much here and I really think it will be fine.
In other news, this was a pretty great weekend. Thursday was my birthday so we went out for Thai food and then came home, ate ice cream, and watched a movie. We had most of the day off on Friday, and I was able to have them drop me off in Kalamazoo for the afternoon. I went to the art museum, had a lovely lunch, went to a bunch of neat stores and antique shops, and basically just relished the chance to be alone and going wherever I wanted. It was delightful. That evening the YMCA was having a member climb night so we went to help out with belaying. There ended up being a bunch of really tiny kids, like 4 or 5 year olds. I still don’t think I’m very good with them, but I wasn’t really scared of them either. Huge progress. They were actually quite cute. I’m usually too preoccupied with planning my escape to actually appreciate the cute factor. Saturday we ran some errands and went out for dinner. Yesterday, I make heart shaped scones for breakfast, went to church, and then had about an hour and a half free so I opted to go for a hike. I was trying a new trail, which happened to not be marked very clearly and for the first time in forever I actually got sort of lost. Normally no big deal, but we were supposed to be helping move gym equipment into the brand new rec center addition and it was not looking like I was going to make it back in time. With about 25 minutes left, I finally made it back to the trailhead, but then I still had about two miles left to run, in combat boots, in about 7 inches of fresh snow. Not fun. I think I went about 6 miles in an hour and a half, and let me tell you, that snow is brutal. I made it back on time, but I was exhausted and ended up with some pretty obnoxious blisters.
Well, I guess that’s about all I have time for. Have a great week!

Many Deep Breaths Later...

Open mouth insert foot.
I stand corrected.
My bad.
Hmmm, well what do you know?

These are a few of the phrases that come mind regarding my attitude toward children for the last couple of decades. I'm not saying I'm a total convert or anything- I mean, given the choice between a week of manual labor or week with kids, or a root canal versus a day with kids, kids are probably still gonna lose- but turns out they are reasonably tolerable after all. The first day I had three goals: don't puke, don't pass out, and don't cry. I was all dizzy and sweaty and could barley get anything down during breakfast but it only took a couple of hours after the kids showed up to backup out of my panic zone and start functioning like a somewhat normal individual. I mostly accomplished my goals- I did cry, but it wasn't in front of the kids, so I don't really think it counts. After completing day one with unexpected ease and lack of disaster, day two came with a massive knot in my stomach that hung around all day. I think I was just so certain that I would fail in some spectacular manner that the anticipation was too much to handle. By day three I was beginning to realize that I may not end up cowering in a corner after all and that since none of them had fallen off a cliff or openly expressed their distain for me, there was a reasonable chance that it wouldn’t happen at all. In fact, they kept hugging me and wanting me to sit by them and teach them more yoga and all kinds of weird stuff like that. The day started fairly well but by the afternoon my patience reserve was running on empty and by this afternoon I was quite content watching those busses drive away with all their noisy, smelly, clingy, adorable contents. Overall, I think I really did a remarkably good job considering what I was up against. My co-counselor was wonderful (both with the kids and with me) and I think we did a pretty good job sharing the lead and making sure everything was covered. We got really lucky and had a great cabin of girls.
By the end, I was fairly comfortable interacting during activity times when there was something to actually do. Meal time and free time were still a little shaky. I'm just not a terribly social person and I would rather just be sitting in the background watching instead of trying to keep people entertained, but fortunately Erin was really good at getting them talking or excited about time filler games. So yeah, I'm alive, I'm convinced that I'll survive three more weeks of it, and as much as I hate to admit it I actually had a reasonable amount of fun this week. I'll be interested to see how I handle the first morning for this next go around. I'm curious how much of the receding terror had to do with getting to know these particular kids versus the degree to which I am "cured" of my phobia. I guess we'll just have to wait and see on Monday- seventh graders this time. Yikes.

Iron & wine and climbing and whining

Ahh, where to begin…I guess I’ll start with the high points and go downhill from there. Thursday, one of my favorite artists was playing at Hope College a mere hour and a half away. Better yet, student tickets were only $12 and since one of my teammates went to Hope and still has friends there, they were able to buy our tickets for us at the student rate. So, right after work 5 of us piled in the van and headed out for a night of magic. I’ve loved Iron & Wine for many years now so I was pretty ecstatic when I saw he was playing so near. The actual concert was in Ditmer chapel which looks a whole lot like a midsize cathedral. It was just Sam Beam and his guitar and the acoustics were wonderful. We all just sat in pews and let the music wash over us. I decided his voice could best be compared to a Valencia Mocha- warm and rich with slight citrus undertones that seep out from its soothing smoothness. Yeah, I know its probably weird to compare voices to coffee drinks, but that’s what I kept thinking. The sitting quietly wasn’t the concert setting I’m accustomed to, but it was absolutely fitting and rather magical.
The other highlight of the week revolved around maintenance on the climbing wall. Throughout the week we took off every rock on the wall, scrubbed them, repainted the wall wherever it was damaged, and then replaced all the rock holds. Quite a mammoth job. Once the painting starting, I’m not sure if there was a miscommunication on the desired end result or if it actually takes more talent than they realized, but within a matter of minutes there was a large section of huge, dark, camo like blotches. Fortunately, I’ve been trained for just such disasters and was called in to attempt to restore the continuity of the wall and take over the process from there. It’s still not great or anything, but it was good to know that that art degree wasn’t completely for naught. After that, we got to reattach the holds. I started out belaying for a teammate while he climbed and bolted things to the wall. Unfortunately, he had about 40 pounds on me not including the heavy bag of rocks he was wearing, and since the facility doesn’t have floor tethers, additional teammates would occasionally have to come assist in keeping my feet on the ground. Since that was clearly not the most efficient use of manpower, we switched places after about 20 minutes. With a backpack loaded down with fake rocks and slung across me for easy access and an allen wrench conveniently stashed in one of my many pockets, I spent the next 3 hours or so either dangling from my harness or precariously perched on toe chips while attempting to attach the next hand hold. Turns out to be a rather exhausting process. I left the day with many new bruises, much less flesh on my knuckles, and that wonderful feeling of a day well spent.

So now for the whiny section. At ten a.m. tomorrow morning the kids arrive and my job title will officially change to “camp counselor.” Should be excited for the change of pace, but nope, I’m terrified. I have no idea why I’m so scared of kids, but this is just something I’ve really never wanted to do. They talk a lot here about “challenge by choice” and though I’m usually all about embracing opportunities and pushing myself to grow, the whole kid thing is one of the extremely few challenges where I’ve always just put my foot down and deliberately chosen avoidance. This feels a lot like some sort of forced rehab…or therapy…or sick Fear Factor task. Way back when I was still deliberating on whether or not it was good decision to join Americorps, the two things that I was most nervous about that I thought might be actual deal breakers were “what if the uniforms are uncomfortable?” and “what if I have to work with kids?” I suspect a very small percentage of the population would end up with either of those on their list of concerns, let alone their top two, but perhaps that will give you a bit of perspective into my obscure, wacky mind. Top two. This is a big deal for me. I hope that in a couple of days you’ll get be getting a blushing update rescinding every negative thing I’ve ever said around children. I’ve never really been able to get a handle on what the problem is and for once I truly hope I will be able say “I was wrong.” I hope instead of huge burdens of responsibly I will see them as entertaining and refreshing. That instead if immature and irresponsible I can just see them as innocent and unpolluted by worry. I hope instead of a task to suffer thru I can see this as a chance to shape the future. Fortunately, there are enough of us that they were able to assign two of us for a couple of the cabins and my co-counselor should be wonderful. That is a huge comfort. Realistically, it cannot possibly be as bad as I’ve spent my entire life believing it was, and there is a decent chance that after a few hours my palms will stop sweating, my heart will stop racing, and I’ll actually be able to start learning how to act like a normal adult. There is a reasonable chance that the next day I’ll be able to pick up where I left off, build on whatever small successes I stumbled upon and perhaps by the end of my time here I will feel capable of being in charge of a cabin all by myself. That’s the goal at least. Tomorrow I will get up early to allow for double yoga time, I will eat a good breakfast, I will fill my pockets with antacids, I will remember to breathe deeply, and with everything I’ve got I will spend the day pretending to be someone who likes, and is not the least bit intimidated by, children. So, with all the confidence of a well crafted rowboat embarking on a trans-Atlantic voyage, tomorrow will begin with an optimistic smile and I only hope to end it with my head held high and my eyes still dry. Wish me luck!

Weekend Review

(i typed this up on Saturday, but we've been having some internet issues. Sorry for the delay)

I don’t have a lot of time, but I wanted to give a quick update on the last week. Here’s the rundown:
Monday: Martin Luther King Jr day. AmeriCorps is really big about making MLK day “a day on, not a day off” and so instead of taking a holiday, all the teams get out and participate in community volunteer efforts. Our team ended up scrubbing walls at a boys and girls club in Kalamazoo. If you aren’t ever involved with volunteer work for an organization or community you aren’t actually a part of, I highly recommend trying it occasionally. It has an entirely different flavor. We got free shirts and we were on the news, so that was fun.
Tuesday: Worked at the camp deep cleaning the cabins. Their motto is “like new forever” and it seems to be working. The cabins are 10 years old but had assumed they were only a couple.
Wednesday: I know it sounds weird, but every time I see burly men chopping wood in a movie or whatever, I just think, “wow, I need to know how to do that. That looks awesome.” Wednesday morning I fulfilled that dream. This week about four of us per day were on team lumberjack and got to help the camp stock up their wood supply for the year. The staff would drag over huge trees and section them up with a chainsaw and then we would either load the pieces into the splitter, or do it manually with the maul (its an ax, just a slightly different blade). I got pretty good, but its quite physically demanding. That afternoon we went for our first school visit. Someone from the camp gives a presentation for the students and our job is just to intermingle with the kids and help get them excited about camp. In case you haven’t like, met me, I don’t do kids. They freak me out and accentuate my awkwardness and my typical reaction is run away before they notice I’m in the room. I tried really hard, but despite all the training last week and mental preparation they still just scare me in a totally irrational and inexplicable way. I got the nerve up to ask a kid what his name was, told him mine, but then stood there immobile, gulped, and had no idea what to do next. Its quite pathetic.
Thursday: In the morning we had belay certification, which in turn meant that we got to play on the rock wall. Its pretty nice. I think the highest is only about 30 feet, but it’s a really nice facility and it was a lot of fun. I picked the hardest section, but I didn’t make to the top- between my general lack of muscle and the previous days exertion my forearms just kind of cramped up and it just wasn’t going to happen. Against my better judgement, that afternoon I went back for more chopping and stacking wood. By the end of the day my wrists, arms, and back were absolutely spent, but it was totally worth the pain. That night we went out to this restrauntish place to hear one of the camp staff play in a band. It was kind of bluegrass, Americana music and they were great. I hadn’t had live music in a while so it was a wonderful night.
Friday: More scrubbing windows and erasing smudges in the cabins in the morning, then another school visit in the afternoon. On the way into the school, a couple of my teammates came over and said, “ok, we didn’t want to scare you so we didn’t tell you earlier, but there are going to be about 200 kids here.” So, yeah, lets just say I got to work on my deep breathing exercises. There I was in an auditorium full of 6th graders trying to ignore my racing heart and interact like a normal individual. I think they smell my fear. Everyone else seemed to be having a good time and the kids around them seemed excited and full of questions for them. I did better than the first time around. I met the kids on either side on me, but couldn’t really think of anything to say. After the presentation, I tried some more but wasn’t really getting anywhere. After some pretty strong but reassuring prodding from one of the trained professionals, I introduced myself to the group of girls behind me and made it through about five questions before I hit the awkward “I have no idea what to say to you” phase. That’s probably the longest conversation I’ve ever had with anyone more than about 4 years younger than me, ever, but its hard to consider that much of a success when I was absurdly nervous and the kids sort of acted like they wanted to leave. So that was frustrating.
Saturday: Turns out, Kalamazoo is almost as cool as it name would imply. This weekend was the annual chili festival and Coopers Glen music festival. A couple dozen of the downtown area restaurants participated in the cookoff and we just walked around sampling chili everywhere. They also had people all along the side walk making ice sculptures which was really quite impressive. We didn’t want to pay for the actual music festival, but in the lower level of the Hotel where it was held were a bunch of people just jamming. We listened for a while, but then we had to move the van or risk it being towed.
So there’s the week in what turns out to be a rather large nutshell. Over all, it was another pretty great week.

News from Camp

By now, many of you have probably assumed the worst and are picturing me either bound and gagged by a horrendus horde of fifth grade campers and left in a musty basement to rot, or as a grotesque life size ice sculpture on the harsh Michigan terrain, the victim of a hike gone wrong. I apologize for allowing such ample opportunity for your imaginations to get carried away, but fear no more- all is well. In fact, it's actually pretty great. Before you get too excited about my rapid cure from my lifelong phobia of children, I should probably mention that the kids don't actually come until February. This week we spent learning all about Sherman Lake YMCA Outdoor Camp (where we are working and living) and about camp counsling in general. This included everything from instructional videos to hours of learning silly songs and time-filler games. I've never really been a fan of silly songs, but i am certain they will seem quite valuable all too soon. The facility is absolutly fantastic. The main building has the offices, a conference room, some classrooms and the dining area (a large room with huge windows on three of the walls and a charming fireplace). Right next door is the YMCA rec center. It holds the pool, weight room, classrooms, and gym with a huge climbing wall and a high ropes course up top. The whole place is really nice and new looking. The cabins are actually really nice too. They have a bathroom, a room with about 12 bunks, and a fully equipt kitchen/living room. Nice and cozy- and the floors are heated thus eliminating one of my least favorite aspects of winter. The food here is great! There is always plenty, its always tasty, and we don't have to prepare it or clean up after it. the full access to the rec center is also an incredible perk. Monday several of us came out for open swim time, tuesday i went to a yoga class, wednesday the majority of the girls went to a zumba class, thursday we went to water arobics, and tomorrow morning i'm heading back for more yoga. Next week, I plan to attempt spinning class. So yeah, i'd say we're making pretty good use of it. We'll see if it lasts. I am also highly impressed with the camp staff. It is clear that they know what they are doing, love what they are doing, and love sharing what they know. Throughout the week we've been doing various team building activities, and today we got to try out the ropes couse. I love rock climbing, but truth be told i am terrified of hights. Its hard for me to be up high while climbing or to back over that edge when rapelling, but i've learned to trust the rope, focus on the task, and have a great time. I assumed this would be the same. Nope, not at all. I stayed pretty freaked out the whole time. About half way thru i realized i was so scared that it wasn't really even fun and decided that just wasn't acceptable. I had just finished a balance beam sort of element and my goal had been to walk across it without having to touch the rope. I failed. I made it across, but sidestepped and clung to the rope the whole way. I was pretty disappointed and fed up with myself. So, i edged back onto the beam, fell intentially to remind myself the worse case senario wasn't so bad, and went back and tried again. I made it across no hands, and that small success helped tremendously. Though my palms were absurdly sweaty and my heart was pounding at about twice its normal rate, the rest of the course was much more fun and i left feeling quite proud of myself and very glad to have had the experience. Well, I guess that hits most of the highlights. Nothing big planned for the weekend- just relax, recoop, and spend a couple of days not thinking about kids and fighting off panic attacks. Should be nice. Oh, and its supposed to be close to 40 degrees tomorrow so there will definitely be some time spent in the great outdoors soaking up that much needed vitamin D. I can hardly wait.

Christmas Break

I've mentioned it before, but at the end of each project, the team has to put together a portfolio about the project, the community benifits, what was accomplished, that sort of thing. In the quantifiables section, instead of just saying "we built houses," we detail what that actually entailed- this many sq ft of flooring installed, this many sq ft of siding, so many trusses placed, etc. With that in mind, I could just tell you that I had a great and productive Christmas break, but it will probably mean more if i list it out "quantifiables" style.
-saw aproximately 25 friends, including one that i haven't seen in way too many years and one delightful chance encounter with an old roommate
-visited 1 lake that I miss dearly, and about 3 i'd never seen before
-spent time with nine family members
-crocheted one mitten
-crocheted one potholder
-2 days of snowshoeing
-one day of skiing
-6 hours working on bikes at the Ft Collins Bicycle Co-op
-baked an apple pie, a chocolate cake, and swedish cardamom bread
-over 20 hours shopping
-3.5 hours mitigating invasive species at Oxley Nature Center in 6 inches of snow
-over 51 hours traveling by car
-made one apron
-read 3 and 3/4 books
-spent 7 marvelous nights on the memory foam matress that I miss so much
-countless hours laughing and enjoying life in general
-ate about 38% more food than necessary



So, that about sums up my break. Sounds great, right? It really was wonderful, but its also good to be back here. We learned more about our next project in yesterdays briefing. Good news-- we will only have kids for three of the six weeks!!! That is totally doable and i'm feeling much better about the whole thing. The rest of the time we'll be doing maintanence type things to get ready for spring, but they were quite vague about this part and we don't even know if that means inside or outside. Speaking of outside, its snowing! Since yesterday evening, I think we've had about 4 more inches to the lingering 6 or so. Oddly enough, you can hardly tell. I mean, the patches on the roof where it had started to melt are covered back over, and it hasn't had time to blow off of the tree limbs and railings, but other than that it looks about the same- everything is white.

Finally

Yeah, I know, it’s been like a month since I posted anything. Sorry about that. I really did mean to. There were several times where I even planned out what I wanted to say, but then there wouldn’t be internet or I wouldn’t have time, and then I was on vacation and too busy relaxing and well, it just never happened. After hearing so many comments about how long it had been since I posted anything, I feel obliged to go ahead and give you a taste of all those posts that never were.

“I Miss it Already”
I meant to have a post that last week in Alabama. I wanted to talk about how great the project had been, how much I’d learned and how sad I was that it was time to leave. There at the end I got to lay some tile and do a little trim carpentry. It was wonderful and I decided I definitely had not had enough of building. When my ten months is up, I’m really considering signing up with AmeriCorps State and National or Vista and trying to spend a year working solely with Habitat. But we’ll see what the rest of the year holds. We also took a day trip to New Orleans. I wanted to tell you about the wonderful sights and smells and how I met my sister there and how great that was.
But, well, I had to pack, and I had to do my part for the end of project portfolio and there was a Christmas party to prepare for and snowflakes to cut out and it just never happened.

“Shock to the System”
When we made it back to campus I thought I’d do a post describing what it was like stepping out of the van and into the frozen Vinton tundra. It was brutal. I was wearing the warmest thing I had with me--a hoodie--but when I sucked in my first breath of 4 degree air, and sunk knee deep in snow, and felt the swirling icy air stinging every inch of my ill protected body, my first and only thought was “WHAT MADE PEOPLE THINK THIS PLACE WAS INHABITABLE!!!” In the few days that we were there I did seem to acclimate a bit, or at least make some peace with the inhospitable conditions. I stopped wanting to cry every time I stepped outside and I even put on four layers and went out and played in it once. But, there were debriefings to prepare for and business to take care of and that one didn’t happen either.

“Christmas Capers”
I caught a ride from Iowa to Oklahoma City, then my mom brought me back Broken Arrow, and then the whole family piled in a van drove to Colorado. I thought I would post something about all we had done and how much fun we were having but I was too busy having fun doing things.

“So, Where Am I?”
When we finally made back to Oklahoma a few days ago, I was shocked to find it still thickly blanketed with snow. I planned to show pictures of Iowa, Colorado, and Oklahoma and talk about how the snow seems to be chasing me. (Can you guess which state this is?) It all started in Alabama. Mobile didn’t actually get any, but the rest of the AL and surrounding states got a rare and historic snow storm. A few days before we headed back to Iowa, we heard the snow was so bad that even the snow plows had been called off the roads and they were expecting drifts up to 15 feet high. We had to take the longer route to Colorado because roads were closed due to snow. While still in Colorado, Tulsa had its first ever blizzard warning. To top it all off, our drive back thru Kansas took about 5 hours longer than it should have because of, you guessed it, snow. So yeah, there is definitely an overabundance of frozen precipitation in my life.

There’s a sizable chance this ominously white omen has been forewarning the next 7 weeks of my life. After one week in Vinton, my team will be heading to Augusta, Michigan to work at the Sherman Lake YMCA youth camp. One of the few things I can think of that would be less hospitable than January in Michigan is January in Michigan surrounded by fifth graders. But yep, I’m off to be a camp counselor and doggoneit I plan to enjoy it (this last sentence is of course said thru a quivering, unconvincing smile and terror filled eyes). I don’t like the cold, but I know I can endure it. I don’t like kids, and I assume they’re endurable…but since they frighten me and make me incredibly uncomfortable, this theory has never actually been tested. When I feel the panic start to rise, I just focus on the indoor climbing wall and swimming pool that the camp allegedly has and I feel a lot better. Twill be a learning experience indeed. I really don’t have many details yet, but it’s bound to be interesting. Most of my team is really excited, so hopefully I can learn from/feed off them…..or let them do their thing while I cower in the corner. We’ll just see how it goes.

Alright, I guess that wraps it up for the posts that never were. And now that I know people are actually reading this, perhaps I'll be more motivated to keep this updated in a more timely manner!
(Oh yeah, and that last picture was from Oklahoma.)